First, I don't recall if I pointed out in "Saint Paul," that I kept each line of the poem at 11 syllables. It isn't a requirement of the form, but I chose to do it anyway to up the difficulty a little, okay, a lot.
I was looking back at the poem about my father and noticed something. On the second line of each stanza I don't stay consistent with whether I am addressing the line to my father, or telling the audience about him, as I do in the rest of the poem. I rewrote it two more times. In version 2, I have changed all the second lines to match the rest of the poem, and not speak to him.
In version 3, I changed the second line of each stanza, so that they speak to my father. I think this may be more powerful.
I invite people who are interested, to comment with opinions about these two new versions, or give suggestions where they may help me improve.
Version 2
Saint Paul
A gentle man of calm and quiet restraint,
Memories, because of him, were wonderful,
I’ve always walked in the shadow of a saint.
To me, manners, grace and class he did acquaint,
His presence, to all, is always delightful,
A gentle man of calm and quiet restraint.
His cool consideration some have thought quaint,
For him, high honor and respect is rightful,
I’ve always walked in the shadow of a saint.
A kind sparkle to his eye, at friendly feint,
With blessings his life past and future is full,
A gentle man of calm and quiet restraint.
A moment of doubt my memory shan't taint,
This, nothing new, he was always forgetful,
I’ve always walked in the shadow of a saint.
A long well-spent life his good story does paint,
He shouldn’t worry, hero, be not fretful,
A gentle man of calm and quiet restraint,
I’ve always walked in the shadow of a saint.
Ken Goree
Version 3
Saint Paul
A gentle man of calm and quiet restraint,
Memories, because of you, were wonderful,
I’ve always walked in the shadow of a saint.
To me, manners, grace and class he did acquaint,
Your presence, to all, is always delightful,
A gentle man of calm and quiet restraint.
His cool consideration some have thought quaint,
For you, high honor and respect is rightful,
I’ve always walked in the shadow of a saint.
A kind sparkle to his eye, at friendly feint,
With blessings your life past and future is full,
A gentle man of calm and quiet restraint.
A moment of doubt my memory shan't taint,
This, nothing new, you were always forgetful,
I’ve always walked in the shadow of a saint.
A long well-spent life his good story does paint,
Don’t worry, still my hero, be not fretful,
A gentle man of calm and quiet restraint,
I’ve always walked in the shadow of a saint.
Ken Goree
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