Follow up to yesterday's poem

I wrote yesterday's poem while in my writing class (The Puget Sound Writing Project).  Later in the class, I taught a prewriting lesson for developing sensory details, and expanding vocabulary.  The lesson ended with a short writing period to incorporate some of the sensory details into one or more paragraphs.  After the poem, I thought I would continue with the "sick daughter" theme for my writing.  Here is what I came up with:

“Daaad?” came the weak voice of my daughter.

“Yes?”

“I’m hungry.”

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“Dad?” a bit louder now.

“Yes, Carly.”

“I said I’m hungry.”

“Yes, I know.  I heard you.”

“Dad, stop doing that!”

“What,” I answered, my voice gooshy with innocence.

“Will you make me some soup?”

“All you had to do was ask, Princess.”

To the sound of my grumbling daughter in the background, I went to the kitchen, thinking “Grumbling sounds awfully funny from a kid with a stuffy nose. "

“I heard that, “ Carly yelled from the couch.

“What?”

“I don’t know, but you were thinking something.  I could see the smile on your face.”

In the kitchen, I took a can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup from the pantry shelf.  As I stepped back I tripped over Orion.  That damn dog always walks up right behind me in the kitchen.  As I caught my balance, I dropped the can.  The heavy clunk of metal on hardwood sent Orion running for cover.  I could hear the thump, thump thump of the dented can as it rolled into the space under the dishwasher.  I reached for a fresh can from the cupboard.  There is no way I’m reaching under the dishwasher.  There are dust bunnies under there; big, hairy, greasy dust bunnies.